How do I keep him with me?

The short answer

You don't have to choose between him and a new life. Some widows keep their husbands with them through stories, rituals and things done in his name.

A new life can hold him. You can build one that is yours without pretending the last one did not happen and without living inside it.

What to do

1. Write down five of his stories this month, one line each.
2. Save his voice and video recordings in two places.
3. Choose one ritual to keep each year, on a date you choose.
4. Tell one of his stories to someone younger.
5. Do one thing in his name, if you want to.
6. Look up any charity yourself before you give, and pay by credit card or check.

What can wait

Who can help

A family member or friend can record his stories with you. Your local historical society or public library can tell you about oral-history projects.

Other widows, in a grief group or a widows' group, may want to swap stories of their own.

If you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, tell someone today. You can call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling, and you do not have to be suicidal to reach out.

For most people who have these thoughts, support and treatment work. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.

You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. The Veterans Crisis Line is 988, then press 1, or text 838255, and it also serves families and friends. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists every line.

The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.

Hear when the next book is out

Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.