Give her the one for where she is
Each book covers a different stretch of time after the death.
| Since he died | The book to give |
|---|---|
| Less than a month | Book 1, The First 30 Days |
| 1 to 6 months | Book 2, The Money |
| 6 to 12 months | Book 5, The First Year |
| 12 to 18 months | Book 5, The First Year |
| 18 months or more | Book 7, Year Two |
If you are not sure, Book 1, The First 30 Days, is where to start.
One book at a time
Eight books on the kitchen table is a lot to look at. Give her the one for the time she is in, and let her find the next one when she needs it. Each book names the next one at the end, and all eight are listed here.
Besides the book
- Offer to be her second pair of hands: to answer the phone, make calls with her, and write things down.
- Print the free checklist for the first two weeks and bring it with you.
- Call her again in a month, and again in three. Some widows say the calls stop at about the time they need them most.
- Write his birthday, their anniversary and the day he died in your own calendar. Call her on those days, and the day before.
- Offer to sit with her while she sorts one drawer, at her pace. Take away only what she asks you to.
- Later on, offer to try something small with her, such as a class or a day trip. Then let her decide whether to do it again.
- If she is seeing someone and is unsure about him, offer to read the messages with her, or to be her friend on call. Then let her decide.
If you are worried about her
You can ask her directly. The 988 Lifeline says that asking directly does not put the idea in her head, and that talking about it may help.
The crisis lines on Help tonight answer any hour. In an emergency, call 911.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.