If you read only one thing today
- Almost nothing has to happen today. Six calls have to happen this week.
- Ask one person to be your second pair of hands: to answer the phone, make calls with you, and write things down.
- Do not close any account that pays a bill. Do not pay any debt in his name until you have asked whether you owe it.
- Order more certified copies of the death certificate than you think you need, and keep every paper in one folder.
- If a stranger says something is urgent and asks for money, hang up.
Everything else can wait until you are ready for it.
The questions of the first month, answered short
These are the opening answers from the first eight chapters of the book.
Where do I even start?
Start with this week, not with everything. Almost nothing has to happen today. A handful of things have to happen this week, and most of what people mention can wait a month or more.
This book sorts the first month into what has to be done now and what can be put down for later. You can read it a few pages at a time, and you can hand it to someone else to read with you.
Who can help me with all this?
Choose one person to be your second pair of hands, and give everyone else a specific job. People who offer usually mean it. They are waiting to be told what.
Setting this up takes one conversation and one sheet of paper on the fridge.
What happens with the funeral home?
You can take this more slowly than it feels. The law lets you see the prices before you choose, and you do not have to decide everything at one meeting.
If the funeral has already happened, skip to the next chapter, How many death certificates do I need?, and come back to this one if he served in the military. You can also come back when you are ready to think about a headstone.
How many death certificates do I need?
More than you think. Banks, insurers, pension plans and government offices each want a certified copy, and many of them keep it. A few extra now is easier than ordering more later.
Nobody can give you one right number, because it depends on what he had and who held it. You can work out your own with a short list, and someone can make it with you.
You do not have to answer the funeral home on the spot. You can ask how long you have, go home, and make your list first.
If you order too many, you end up with a few spare papers in a folder. If you order too few, you have one more errand at a time when you already have plenty.
What has to happen this week?
Six calls. The funeral home may already have done part of one or two of them, such as telling Social Security, and some will not apply to you. Everything else can wait at least a few weeks, except a letter with a date on it.
What about everyone else I'm supposed to call?
No. About thirty calls can wait weeks or months, and some never need making. Here they are, sorted by when.
Where are the papers?
Most of what you need is in a handful of usual places, and almost all of it can be replaced if it is not there. Start one folder now and fill it as things turn up.
You do not have to find everything this week. You only need the papers someone is asking for now.
Is there a will, and what do I do with it?
Not this week, in most cases. Keep the original safe, hand nothing out yet, and book a first meeting with a probate or estate lawyer this month.
If there is no will, or you have not found one, the same steps apply. Make that appointment soon if there is no will, or if anything was in his name alone.
The book: The First 30 Days
Twelve chapters for the first month: the funeral home, the six calls, the papers, the accounts, and what can wait. Each one gives the short answer first, then what to ask and who can answer.
Every rule in it was checked against the agency, court or law it comes from.
Book 1 of eight, each for a different stretch of time. See all eight books
If you’d like, a few emails later on
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You don’t need to sign up to get the checklist.