How do I date after forty years?

The short answer

Nerves make sense. It has been a long time, and Saturday matters to you. Some things about dating have changed since you last did it, and some have not.

The FBI has plain advice for meeting someone from online in person. "Meet in a public place and let someone know where you will be and when you are expected to be home." The same habit suits any first date, however you met.

You can also choose daytime, make your own way there, keep it short, and talk about him as much or as little as feels natural.

What to do

1. Meet in a public place, in the daytime if you can.
2. Make your own way there and back.
3. Let a friend know where you will be and when you are expected to be home.
4. Keep the first meeting to an hour or two, if that suits you.
5. Talk about him as much as feels natural.
6. Say no to anything you are not ready for.

What can wait

• Introducing your date to your family or friends.
• Any second date you do not want.
• Deciding what this is, or where it is going.
• Telling anyone beyond the friend who knows where you are.

Who can help

The help for Saturday is a friend on call that evening: someone who knows where you are and will pick up the phone when you are home.

If dating stirs up more grief than you expected, a counselor or a grief group can be a place to talk it through. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists who to call.

If something about a date or a message worries you, the Staying safe page at the back has this chapter's first-meeting habits. The online side is in How do I stay safe online?

The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.

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