The short answer
Stop before you send anything. A request for money from someone you have not met in person is the mark of a romance scam, however real he seems.
The Federal Trade Commission puts the rule in one line: “Never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you haven't met in person.” The same goes for gift cards, cryptocurrency and help moving money. The rule protects you whether he is who he says or not.
What to do
- Send no money, gift cards or cryptocurrency to anyone you haven't met in person.
- Ask for a video call if you like, and treat it as one check, never as proof.
- Search his photos to see where else they appear.
- Show the messages to a friend you trust.
- Keep your account details, passwords and Social Security number to yourself.
- Refuse to let anyone use your bank account to receive money or send it on.
- Call your bank or the payment company today if you have sent money, ask for a refund, and report it at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov.
What can wait
- Working out who he really was, or whether any of it was true. You don't need to know that to stop.
- Deciding whether you will write to anyone online again.
- Telling everyone. Beyond the bank and the reports, you choose who hears about it.
Who can help
The FTC takes reports at ReportFraud.ftc.gov or 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357), and the FBI at ic3.gov.
The AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline, 1-877-908-3360, is free and open to anyone, Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern.
AARP also runs free, confidential online groups for people affected by fraud and their loved ones. If the loss stays with you, a counselor can help too.
If the shame or the loss turns into thoughts of not wanting to be here, tell someone today. You can call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling, and you do not have to be suicidal to reach out.
For most people who have these thoughts, support and treatment work. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. The Veterans Crisis Line is 988, then press 1, or text 838255, and it also serves families and friends. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists every line.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 8: Someone New
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 5. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers month 18 and after.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.