The short answer
It depends on the benefit, and for some of them on your age on the day you marry. Some survivor benefits continue after a remarriage at a certain age, and some stop. For some benefits, living together can count as well.
Before you marry or move in together, ask each office what would change, in writing. Then see a lawyer of your own.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Write down every payment and any coverage you get as his widow, and who pays it.
- Ask Social Security, before you marry or move in, what would change, in writing.
- Ask each pension, VA or other benefit office the same question, in writing.
- See a lawyer of your own, separately from him, and ask what a prenuptial agreement could and couldn't do.
- Ask each retirement plan which forms a spouse signs after the wedding.
- Talk to him about money early and plainly.
- Keep your accounts in your own name until you have both decided.
What can wait
- Combining accounts, cards or loans.
- Setting a date, if you are thinking of marrying. The answers in writing can come first.
- Deciding whose house you live in. What happens to the house and the will? covers that.
Who can help
Social Security, 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778). VA, 1-800-827-1000. Your pension plan administrator, at the number on its letters.
A probate or estate lawyer of your own, and a fee-only financial planner, can help you put the answers together. What each of these people actually does, at the back of this book, explains the difference between them.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 8: Someone New
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 10. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers month 18 and after.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.