The short answer
It depends on how you set things up, and on the law where you live. If you live together without marrying, a partner is generally not one of your heirs. If you want him to have anything, it needs a will, a beneficiary form or a deed.
Marriage can change more than you might expect. In many states a new spouse has a right to part of an estate, whatever the will says, and your state's law decides how much. Before you marry or move in, go over your will, your deed and every beneficiary form with a lawyer of your own.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Find your deed, your will, any trust, and a list of every account with a beneficiary form.
- Book a lawyer of your own before you marry or move in.
- Ask the lawyer what marriage, or living together, would change in your state.
- Decide with the lawyer whose house you will live in, if you will share one, and how it will be held.
- Update your will, and check every beneficiary form.
- Ask each workplace retirement plan which forms to sign after the wedding, if you marry.
- Tell your children, or whoever will inherit, that a plan exists, once it does.
What can wait
- Selling either house, unless the tax timing earlier in this chapter matters to you.
- Adding his name to your deed, or yours to his.
- Telling your children the details. Saying that a plan exists can come first.
- Deciding everything at the first meeting with the lawyer.
Who can help
A probate or estate lawyer of your own can make the papers with you. The ABA directory finds your state and local bar associations, which run referral services: americanbar.org/directories/lawyer-referral-directory. If money is tight, lsc.gov finds free civil legal aid for people on low incomes.
A helper, or a librarian at your public library, can look these up with you.
If you are 60 or over, legal assistance is available through your Area Agency on Aging, regardless of income. The Eldercare Locator, 1-800-677-1116 or eldercare.acl.gov, finds yours.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 8: Someone New
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 11. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers month 18 and after.
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