The short answer
You can take this more slowly than it feels. The law lets you see the prices before you choose, and you do not have to decide everything at one meeting.
If the funeral has already happened, skip to the next chapter, How many death certificates do I need?, and come back to this one if he served in the military. You can also come back when you are ready to think about a headstone.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Look for written wishes and a prepaid plan before the meeting.
- Take someone with you.
- Ask for prices by phone, and for the itemized General Price List at the start of the meeting.
- Ask what the funeral home will file, and who it will notify.
- Count how many certified copies of the death certificate you need, as the next chapter explains.
- Leave the birth date and address out of the obituary.
- Ask for everything in writing before you sign.
What can wait
- The headstone, often for months.
- What to do with the ashes.
- A memorial service, which can be weeks after the burial or cremation.
- The VA burial allowance, if he served. For a death not connected to service, you have 2 years from the burial.
Who can help
Your funeral director can go through the price list with you, line by line, as many times as you need.
The FTC's “Shopping for Funeral Services” page explains your rights: consumer.ftc.gov/shopping-funeral-services.
If he served, call VA benefits at 1-800-827-1000, or the National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 1-800-535-1117.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 1: The First 30 Days
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 3. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers the first month.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.