The short answer
Choose one person to be your second pair of hands, and give everyone else a specific job. People who offer usually mean it. They are waiting to be told what.
Setting this up takes one conversation and one sheet of paper on the fridge.
What to do
- Name one person as your second pair of hands, and tell them.
- Give them the checklist, and show them the call log in your notebook.
- Write five jobs on a list on the fridge.
- Point anyone who asks what they can do to the list.
- Ask one person to organize meals.
- Ask someone to stay at the house during the funeral.
What can wait
- Thank-you notes. Your helper's list of who brought what will keep.
- Returning every call. Return the ones you want to, and let your helper tell the rest that you got the message.
- Telling distant acquaintances. They will hear through the phone tree, or from you in a few weeks.
Who can help
- The Eldercare Locator, 1-800-677-1116 or eldercare.acl.gov, a free service that finds your local Area Agency on Aging.
- A hospice bereavement coordinator, if hospice cared for him.
- A faith community, if you have one.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 1: The First 30 Days
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 2. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers the first month.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.