The short answer
Start with this week, not with everything. Almost nothing has to happen today. A handful of things have to happen this week, and most of what people mention can wait a month or more.
This book sorts the first month into what has to be done now and what can be put down for later. You can read it a few pages at a time, and you can hand it to someone else to read with you.
What to do
- Get one folder and one notebook. Put every paper in the folder and every call in the notebook.
- Read What has to happen this week?, or ask someone to read it with you.
- Choose one person to be your second pair of hands, and tell them you have chosen them.
- Put the checklist from the back of this book, The First Two Weeks, where you will see it every day.
- Choose no more than three things each morning, and write them down.
What can wait
- The rest of this book. Read each chapter when its question comes up.
- Anything someone calls urgent that is not on this week's list. Write it in the notebook under "later" and leave it there until you are ready.
Who can help
The funeral director does this every week and can tell you what usually comes next. Ask what they have already done and what is still waiting on you.
If hospice was involved, the hospice social worker can help you sort what is urgent from what is not.
If a night is very bad, or you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, tell someone. You can call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org, any hour. It is for anyone who is struggling, and you do not have to be suicidal to reach out.
For most people who have these thoughts, support and treatment work. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. The Veterans Crisis Line is 988, then press 1, or text 838255, and it also serves families and friends. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists every line.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 1: The First 30 Days
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 1. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers the first month.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.