The short answer
Those days can come without warning, even when nothing has happened.
You can have a short list ready for them. Write it on a good day, and it tells you what to do on a bad one.
This chapter describes what widows report and what health agencies say. It is not medical or mental-health advice. If you are worried about your health, talk to your doctor. If you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling. Veterans and their families can dial 988, then press 1, or text 838255.
What to do
- Write your bad-day list on a good day, on the page My bad-day list or on a card.
- Put it by the bed, where the day starts.
- Choose one person to call on bad days, and tell them.
- On a bad day, do the first thing on the list, and only that.
- Tell your doctor if the bad days keep coming or start to run together.
- Tell someone today if you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, or call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
What can wait
- Working out why today is bad.
- The dishes, the laundry, and anything you meant to sort.
- Calls and messages from people checking in.
- Making up for it tomorrow.
- Explaining the day to anyone.
Who can help
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org; free, any hour, for anyone who is struggling. You do not have to be suicidal to reach out. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
- Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741, any hour, anywhere in the United States.
- Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988, then press 1, or text 838255; for veterans, service members, and the family and friends who support them.
- Your own doctor, if the bad days keep coming.
- The person you chose, on any bad day.
For most people who have thoughts of not wanting to be here, support and treatment work. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists every line.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 5: The First Year
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 8. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 6 to 15.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.