The short answer
No. Some widows describe not being able to think, remember or decide in the first weeks.
While it lasts, write everything down and decide as little as you can.
This chapter describes what some widows report in the first weeks. It is not medical advice. If you are worried about your health, talk to your doctor. If you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling. Veterans and their families can dial 988, then press 1, or text 838255.
What to do
- Write everything down in one notebook, and keep it in one place.
- Make one real decision a day, at most.
- Take someone with you to any appointment that matters.
- Eat something with someone once a day, in person or on the phone.
- Tell your own doctor that he died.
- Tell someone today if you have thoughts of not wanting to be here. If they feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
What can wait
- Understanding your grief. You do not need to make sense of it this month.
- Any decision you would regret making today.
- Remembering everything people tell you. The notebook can hold it.
- Reading this book in order, or reading all of it.
Who can help
- Your own doctor. If there was hospice, ask the hospice team whether they have a bereavement program.
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org, any hour. It is for anyone who is struggling; you do not have to be suicidal to reach out. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
- Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741, any hour, anywhere in the U.S.
- Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988, then press 1, or text 838255. It also serves family and friends.
For most people who have thoughts of not wanting to be here, support and treatment work. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists every line.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 1: The First 30 Days
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 11. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers the first month.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.