The short answer
No. Almost everything people urge you to decide in the first month can wait. The few things with real deadlines are already in this book. Everything else can wait until you can think.
That includes the closet and the house. It also includes most of what people will raise in the next few weeks, however kindly they mean it.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Write down every decision someone is pushing you on.
- Mark the ones that have a real date.
- Do those, starting with the earliest date.
- Answer the rest with “not yet.”
- Open his mail once a week, with someone if that helps. Open anything from Social Security, his employer or pension plan, a health plan or an insurer on the day it arrives.
- Look at the list again in a month.
What can wait
- His clothes, his shoes and the rest of his things.
- Any decision about the house.
- Selling or giving away his car.
- Any money choice that has no date in writing.
- Changing his voicemail. Keep the line itself.
- Thank-you notes, the ashes and the headstone.
- Your ring.
Who can help
A friend who is not family can give you a second opinion when the pressure will not stop.
For a date on a letter, call the office that sent it, on a number you look up yourself. For COBRA, that is his employer's benefits office; for new coverage, HealthCare.gov or your state's marketplace; for Social Security, 1-800-772-1213.
If tonight is very bad, or you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, tell someone today. You can call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling, and you do not have to be suicidal to reach out.
For most people who have these thoughts, support and treatment work. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. The Veterans Crisis Line is 988, then press 1, or text 838255, and it also serves families and friends. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists every line.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 1: The First 30 Days
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 12. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers the first month.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.