The short answer
No. There is no right time to start on his things.
Some widows start within weeks because seeing his things hurts, and others wait years because seeing them helps. Either way is ordinary.
Start when you want to, not when someone else wants you to. A few things do have a practical clock, and they are listed below. Everything else can stay where it is until you decide otherwise.
What to do
- Find the things with a practical deadline, such as rented equipment, a storage unit, items the will names and the car's insurance.
- Deal only with those, plus his voicemail if you want to keep it, and leave the rest where it is.
- Set aside his papers, his phone and his computer before anything leaves the house.
- Ask the executor before anything of value goes, and photograph it.
- Tell people who ask, When I'm ready.
- Pick one drawer, when you are ready.
- Choose a helper who will not rush you, if you want one.
What can wait
Who can help
A patient friend can sit with you while you open one drawer, or while you decide not to.
If it is hard to face much of anything, and not only his things, tell your own doctor. Not sleeping and not eating are worth mentioning too.
A grief group can help. If there was a hospice, you can ask to be put on its bereavement plan of care. A faith community can help too, if you have one.
If the grief becomes more than you can carry, or you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, tell someone today. You can call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling, and you do not have to be suicidal to reach out.
For most people who have these thoughts, support and treatment work. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. The Veterans Crisis Line is 988, then press 1, or text 838255, and it also serves families and friends. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists every line.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 3: The House and the Things
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 7. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 3 to 12.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.