The short answer
Very little of it is urgent. A few things have real deadlines, and this chapter puts them in one list, each with the chapter that explains it.
Three big decisions usually have no deadline and are hard to undo. They are selling or buying a home, deciding what to do with a large sum, and lending or giving money to family.
Some widows say they waited a year on all three. You can do the same, or take less time, or more.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- List every decision someone is pushing you on.
- Ask each person or office for the deadline, in writing.
- Do the ones with real deadlines, starting with the earliest date.
- Keep any large sum somewhere insured and plain while you decide, and ask the bank what is federally insured.
- Ask what it would cost to get out of anything you are offered, in year one.
- Say “not this year” to the rest.
- Leave any signing until after the first meeting.
What can wait
- Selling or buying a home, for as long as you need, unless the money decides for you.
- Deciding where a large sum goes for the long term.
- Lending or giving money to family.
- Choosing an adviser to stay with. Who can I trust to help with money? explains how to check one first.
Who can help
A fee-only financial planner, paid by you, can look at any offer with you. The National Association of Personal Financial Advisors has a search for one at napfa.org.
To check who is selling to you, use FINRA BrokerCheck at brokercheck.finra.org, or find your state securities regulator through nasaa.org. A helper, or a librarian at your public library, can do any of these searches with you.
If the pressure is wearing you down, or you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, tell someone today. You can call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling, and you do not have to be suicidal to reach out.
For most people who have these thoughts, support and treatment work. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. The Veterans Crisis Line is 988, then press 1, or text 838255, and it also serves families and friends. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists every line.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 2: The Money
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 11. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 1 to 6.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.