The short answer
Yes, and before you need to. Tell your doctor that he died, and mention any change in your sleep, eating, drinking or mood.
You do not have to work out whether something is grief or something more. That is your doctor's question to answer, not yours.
This chapter describes what widows report and what health agencies say. It is not medical or mental-health advice. If you are worried about your health, talk to your doctor. If you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling. Veterans and their families can dial 988, then press 1, or text 838255.
What to do
- Book an appointment with your own doctor, even if nothing feels wrong.
- Tell the doctor that he died.
- Write down what has changed: sleep, eating, drinking, mood, pain, getting out.
- Mention drinking honestly, if it has changed.
- Ask before you stop or change any medicine, and ask about alcohol and the ones you take.
- Ask the doctor, Is this grief, or something else?
- Take someone with you, or ask the doctor to write down the main points.
What can wait
Who can help
- Your own doctor. If you have Medicare, ask about the yearly Wellness visit and the separate yearly depression screening.
- SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357): free, confidential, 24/7, for information and referrals. NIAAA's Rethinking Drinking and Alcohol Treatment Navigator are free federal resources.
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org, any hour. It is for anyone who is struggling; you do not have to be suicidal to reach out. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now.
- Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741. Veterans Crisis Line: 988, then press 1, or text 838255, for veterans, service members and the family and friends who support them.
For most people who have thoughts of not wanting to be here, support and treatment work. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists every line.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 5: The First Year
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 7. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 6 to 15.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.