The short answer
Health agencies name changes in sleep and appetite among the things you may notice after a loss. Both are worth mentioning to your doctor if they go on, or if they worry you.
In the meantime, the National Institute on Aging suggests a few plain habits for sleep, and there are some simple ideas for meals. You can take what fits and leave the rest.
This chapter describes what widows report and what health agencies say. It is not medical or mental-health advice. If you are worried about your health, talk to your doctor. If you have thoughts of not wanting to be here, call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling. Veterans and their families can dial 988, then press 1, or text 838255.
What to do
- Try getting up at the same time each day, one of NIA's suggestions.
- Keep a small bedtime routine, and keep the television, computer and phone out of the bedroom if you can, as NIA suggests.
- Keep a few easy foods in the house that you like and do not need to cook.
- Arrange to eat with someone once a week, if you can.
- Call the Eldercare Locator, 1-800-677-1116, to ask about group or home-delivered meals.
- Tell your doctor if your sleep or eating stays changed, or worries you.
What can wait
- Getting it right every night. A bad night, or a day when you barely ate, does not undo anything.
- Cooking the way you used to.
- Deciding what to do about the bedroom and his side of the bed. Book 3, The House and the Things, covers his clothes and belongings in How do I clear his things without clearing him out?.
Who can help
Your doctor is the first call for sleep or eating that stays changed. If you take medicines, your pharmacist can answer questions about them too.
The Eldercare Locator, 1-800-677-1116 or eldercare.acl.gov, can point you to meal programs near you.
If the nights bring thoughts of not wanting to be here, call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling; you do not have to be suicidal to reach out.
For most people who have these thoughts, support and treatment work. If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now. You can also text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line.
The Veterans Crisis Line is 988, then press 1, or text 838255. It serves veterans, service members and the family and friends who support them. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, has all of these.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 5: The First Year
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 6. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 6 to 15.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.