What do I do when someone takes something?

The short answer

First find out whose it was: the estate's, yours, or already theirs. Then decide which things matter enough to ask for back.

The executor may have the power to recover what belonged to the estate, and a lawyer can tell you how. You can take each step slowly.

This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.

What to do

1. List what was taken, by whom, and when you noticed.
2. Ask the executor whose it was. If you are the executor, ask a probate or estate lawyer.
3. Decide what matters enough to ask for back, and what you are willing to leave.
4. Ask once, calmly, in person or in writing, and keep a copy.
5. If that fails, ask a lawyer what can be done.
6. Lock up, list and photograph what is left.

What can wait

• A confrontation in the heat of the moment. You can wait until you are calm.
• Deciding, all at once, which things you will leave with someone.
• Telling the wider family. You can speak to the executor and the lawyer first.

Who can help

The executor can go to court to recover estate property. A probate or estate lawyer can explain your choices, and your state or local bar association's referral service can find one.

A private family or elder mediator can help if conversations keep breaking down. What each of these people actually does explains each one.

The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.

Hear when the next book is out

Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.