The short answer
What a grown child says can be a fear in disguise. “It's too soon” can mean they are afraid their father will be forgotten.
“He's after your money” can mean they are afraid for you, or for what they may inherit, and sometimes it is a fair warning. Hearing the fear can make the next conversation possible.
If you have no children, this chapter may not be yours. His family, your friends and everyone else are in What will everyone else think?
Children from an earlier marriage, his or yours, can say any of the things below. Where this chapter says "their father" or "Dad," it means your late husband only if he was their father. His children from before have a section of their own near the end.
What to do
- Write down exactly what each child said, in their words.
- Write next to it the fear you think it may hide.
- Wait at least a day before you reply.
- Ask one question to check the fear, if you want to.
- Go through the checks in How do I stay safe online? if a child is worried about your money or your safety.
- Plan the conversation itself with How do I tell my children?
What can wait
- Introducing anyone to the family.
- Answering every point each child made.
- Getting your children to agree with each other, or with you.
Who can help
A family counselor can help you and your children hear each other with someone else in the room, together or one at a time.
To find one, you can try SAMHSA's findtreatment.gov, Medicare's Care Compare, or your plan's directory. A helper, or a librarian at your public library, can search with you.
If a day becomes more than you can manage, Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists who to call.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 8: Someone New
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 7. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers month 18 and after.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.