The short answer
The days before a date like this can be harder than the day itself. You do not have to get through it on willpower alone.
Decide ahead what you will do. Have a second, easier plan in case the first one doesn't feel right that morning. Then tell one person what you have decided.
What to do
- Mark the year's dates on Your first-year calendar, at the back of this book.
- Decide a plan for each one about a week ahead.
- Make a second, easier plan, one you could manage at home.
- Tell one person both plans.
- Ask someone to call you that day, at a time you name.
- Plan something small for the day after.
What can wait
- Deciding how to mark these dates in future years. This year's plan is only for this year.
- Explaining your choice to anyone who disagrees with it.
- Cards, gifts or posts about the date, unless you want to do them.
Who can help
The best help on these dates can be a friend who remembers without being told. Give one or two people your dates so that someone does. If someone gave you this book, they may want to help on these days, so tell them too.
If the days around a date become very hard to get through, What about the days that have no reason? has a plan for the worst ones. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists who to call.
You can call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org, at any hour. It is for anyone who is struggling, and you do not have to be suicidal to reach out. For most people who have thoughts of not wanting to be here, support and treatment work.
If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now. You can also text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. The Veterans Crisis Line, 988 then press 1, or text 838255, is for veterans, service members and the family and friends who support them.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 5: The First Year
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 4. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 6 to 15.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.