The short answer
The first anniversary of his death can be a hard day, and it is not a finish line. You can plan it the way you planned the other dates: a first plan, a second and easier one, and one person who knows both.
After the day, some widows describe the second year as quieter, and harder in different ways. If that turns out to be true for you, it is ordinary too. You have not fallen behind.
What to do
- Plan the anniversary a few weeks ahead, and write it on Your first-year calendar.
- Make a second, easier plan for a morning when the first one feels wrong.
- Tell the people close to you what you have decided, before they make plans of their own.
- Ask one person to call you that day, and say roughly when.
- Plan something small for the day after.
- Call the hospice, if there was one, and ask what it offers as the year ends and what exists after it.
- Expect the second year to be different, not finished.
What can wait
- Deciding how to mark the anniversary in future years. This year's plan is only for this year.
- Explaining your choice to anyone. How you spend the day is yours to decide.
- Deciding about his things because a year has passed. The anniversary itself sets no deadline for them.
- Working out what the year meant.
Who can help
If hospice cared for him, call its bereavement team before the anniversary, while its support may still be running. A grief group is another place to take the weeks around the date, and the months after. Would a grief group or counselor help? explains how to find one.
If the day brings thoughts of not wanting to be here, tell someone today, or call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is for anyone who is struggling, and you do not have to be suicidal to reach out. For most people who have these thoughts, support and treatment work.
If the thoughts feel like a plan, call or text 988 now. You can also text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line.
The Veterans Crisis Line, 988 then press 1, or text 838255, is for veterans, service members and the family and friends who support them. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists them all.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 5: The First Year
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 12. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 6 to 15.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.