The short answer
It is your home, and you are allowed to make it look that way. Changing a room does not erase him. He is in what you remember and what you choose to keep, wherever the sofa sits.
You can start with one room, or one corner, and see how it feels. You can go at whatever pace suits you, and stop whenever you like.
What to do
- Choose one room or corner to start with.
- Change one thing in it.
- Live with it for a month.
- Keep one place that is his, on purpose.
- Change the next room when you want to.
What can wait
- The rest of the house. One room at a time is enough, and so is none.
- Giving away his furniture. It can stay in the house while the rooms change around it.
- His papers, apart from anything dated or official. One box, set aside, is enough for now.
- His list of jobs, if he left one.
- Explaining your choices to anyone more than once.
Who can help
A friend who will sit with you in a room, and not hurry you, is the first help. So is one who will help you move a chair back.
If being in the house is very hard, or some rooms stay too painful to enter, a grief group or a counselor can give you somewhere to talk about it. Where to get help tonight, at the back of this book, lists who to call.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’ own pages in October 2026. They change, so check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 7: Year Two
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 4. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 15 to 24.
Hear when the next book is out
Five or six short emails a year at most, and a note when a new book is out. Each one is about something that tends to come up in the first two years. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.